*Disclaimer - please do not see this blog as attention seeking/drama/looking for sympathy. It is purely an outlet for my feelings and generally darker moods. It might help some people with their own issues, and perhaps help others to understand the difficulties of mental health disorders*
I finally start my university course. After graduating in 2005, being back in education feels really weird. Coupled with the daunting prospect of meeting and being around new people over a decade younger than myself, to say I've spent the past weekend freaking out would be something of an understatement.
Whilst I have realised that a lot of my worrying has been nothing more than silly paranoia, it hasn't helped my mood or outlook. I actually shed a tear or many at work on Sunday for no apparent reason (I'm going to blame the till for being too difficult for me to count and add up) As someone who has been so set in her ways for the past however long, this is a huge change for me. I recognise that it is a positive change, something that I should embrace. Still, the prospect of a massive life change has basically been scaring the crap out of me. Its something I've been looking forward to for such a long time, and now its finally here, I have no idea if I'm coming or going.
My main worry hasn't been about the course itself, but meeting new people/making new friends. Whilst I'm aware that I don't necessarily need new friends and am here to work, I also don't want to be the "Billy No Mates" for the next 3 or more years of my life. I should take a moment to mention how incredibly amazing my support network in Canterbury is, and how grateful I am to each and every one of my friends who have offered encouragement and advice. I know that this will continue throughout my journey.
Today being the first day, it hasn't been too bad. I've spoken to several people, but not really made any connections yet. The usual questions of "where have you come from? What are your halls and housemates like?" have been met by confusion on the part of the question askers. The idea of a mature student living with her boyfriend in the city seems to be completely alien to my 18 year old colleagues. I know people say I look younger than I am (the purple and black hair definitely helps this illusion) but I am surprised by the shocked reactions of others on my course. I know that as the course progresses, I will get to know more people, which part of me is looking forward to. However, another part of me is thinking "great, more drama bulls**t to deal with". Fingers crossed the more sensible, less paranoid side of me will be correct!
